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After a night in sickbay, Kirk entered his own quarters. Somehow today seemed better. He had slept through night without... interruptions, which meant no nightmares or restlessness. Maybe he was getting better after all. McCoy would be happy to hear about that.
James T. Kirk sat on the edge of his bunk. Regardless of his progress, he was still trying to sort through the recent events. It was a real mix of emotions that he had to deal with. The unbelievable elation associated with his escape from captivity and the deep satisfaction from the defeat of the Romulan plans, twice no less. Added to that, all the old friends and former crewmembers who had volunteered for the rescue and, more importantly, Starfleet's sanctioning such a risky venture.
However, on the other side of the ledger, as the saying goes, there was so much pain. The loss of his fellow captives, the Klingons who had nearly killed Rameriz, the Enterprise half-destroyed, almost eight years of his life gone and then the real problem, Carol Marcus.
He was hoping for a reconciliation, just before he had accepted his new position at Starfleet and was 'killed.' He laughed to himself at the thought of the word, killed. It was really a strange sensation. McCoy was right, it was going to take a long time to get over, or at least, come to terms with all that had transpired.
He was just about to sit down at the computer console when his door call sounded.
Standing up, he straightened his tunic and went to the door. He half-expected to see Spock or Koord, but instead found Hikaru Sulu standing before him with a somber look etched on the normally cheery face.
"Sorry to bother you, sir, but I was wondering if you have a minute?" Sulu's voice sounded apologetic.
Kirk's troubles faded for just a moment. Frankly, he'd just as soon listen to someone else's problems than to think of his own. He greeted the man like royalty. "Sulu, yes, come on in. Can I get you anything? Scotty let me have a little of his five hundred year old scotch whiskey, and it's great, even if McCoy limits my intake."
Sulu smiled weakly, "No thanks, sir. I really came to see you about a... personal matter."
Kirk was caught off guard by the request. "Really? What was it you wanted to discuss?"
The C.O. of the Enterprise didn't know where to begin. "It's about what happened on Romulus."
Offering Sulu a chair, Kirk took one as well. Hikaru was having a difficult time getting the conversation going, so Kirk helped a bit. "You mean the rescue mission?"
"Yes, sir. I made a major mistake."
Now James was confused. "In what way?" Then he rephrased the question, "You were in charge of an operation which lost several lives, is that it?"
"That too, sir, but it's... well... when I almost killed you."
Kirk laughed heartily, "Is that all? I didn't really take that personally. I know my face was concealed and --"
Sulu cut him off, "No, sir! I had planned to kill the next Romulan I saw, any Romulan. Didn't you wonder why I was carrying a burn phaser and not the stun weapon that I had been using?"
James shrugged, "I assumed you lost it during the skirmish."
Shaking his head slowly in disagreement, he explained, "No, I threw mine away when I thought the Romulans had killed you. I lost control. In fact, all I could think of was revenge and killing as many Romulans as I could, even though my orders strictly forbade any such action. I guess I wasn't much better than Kef or Dar." He then lowered his head and became silent.
"Hikaru," James spoke the name quietly and with a deep affection. "I know what you're feeling, exactly.
"I know what it means when you're trying so hard to hold on to your basic values and training when you want to lash out somehow. When I lost David, I wanted to kill every Klingon I could. Damn the Prime Directive, all my training and more!
"So, yes, I know exactly how you feel, but remember, it's how you deal with it that makes the difference. You're an outstanding officer. Don't let a moment of self-doubt wreck an otherwise enviable career."
Sulu pondered Kirk's words then spoke quietly. "You sure you're not just being... kind?"
"Absolutely not!"
After a few moments of silence, Sulu responded. "Thanks, you've helped... quite a bit." He then added with a devilish grin, "Now could we have some of that special refreshment you offered earlier?"
James smiled broadly. "Sure, and by the way --" he pointed to the braid on both of their uniforms "-- since we're now of equal rank, let's start a new tradition. I'm James or Jim, okay?"
Sulu laughed, "Sounds good, Jim."
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© 2024 Brad McDonald / U.S.S. Kitty Hawk
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